In the oddness of my life, one of the odder and more irritating parts of my life is that from time to time I wake up at the earliest of hours. This morning I found myself wide awake at the wonderful hour of 3:30 AM. So, right now I am typing this while fighting this tired feeling. I have, however, come to believe that while sometimes this early morning wake up may be a result of my diet or physical pain, I also believe that sometimes God wakes me up early for some reason.

This morning I was checking out Collide Magazine‘s website and was turned on to a website called I Am Second. I spent a good chunk of my early morning hours watching the testimonies on this site. The one that really gripped me the most was by Pete Briscoe.

I began to wonder two things, am I actually putting Jesus first in my life, and am I supposed to be second? What is it about me that makes me want to be the most important part of my life? It’s this sort of question that haunts me. What does putting Jesus first in my life look like? And, am I even supposed to be second in my life, or am I supposed to put others before me on that list? What if Jesus had put God first and then Himself second, what would that mean for us? I don’t know that I have the answers to all of these questions. I do know that I understand the struggle going on inside of me for control. One of my new favorite books is “My Beautiful Idol” by Pete Gall. While I was reading this book I was constantly amazed at how much I connected with his stories of his struggle to place Jesus first in his life. I guess that this post didn’t answer any questions, but probably just raised more questions.